Girls and Lena Dunham’s Body

I really like the show Girls on HBO. Does anyone watch it? It started out hilarious and slowly got less and less funny throughout the season. I find most of the characters annoying and frustrating. I was hoping for something like Sex and the City, but it’s nothing like that at all.

And yet I keep watching it.

One reason: seeing Hannah (played by Lena Dunham) naked or half naked. A lot.

That’s probably really weird to say. But seriously.

Lena Dunham isn’t terribly fat. Her body is imperfect, so basically she looks completely normal, like most of the women I know, and not at all like the stereotypical ‘perfect’ Hollywood body that we’re exposed to.

So, yay! We’re making progress here. It’s a chance for the people to see a naked woman who doesn’t fit the media standard of bodily perfection, isn’t photoshopped or airbrushed, and who looks completely natural.We hardly see women naked any more in general and now someone who doens’t fit the hits our small screen. That’s impressive.

But the best thing is that the show isn’t about her body. The plot line doesn’t revolve around her appearance or size as some sort of obstacle she has to overcome in finding love, finding a career, or having a social life (she has plenty of other problems that interfere with those life goals). Her appearance is also not a novelty either. She’s not playing the typical ‘token fat girl’ binge eating her self image sorrows, or the ugly duckling who was never actually ugly to begin with but just needed a new outfit to snag the hottest guy in school. The show is a normal girl with normal girl problems.

I think it’s pretty refreshing to be able to see on television not just a show starring a woman with a body that’s outside the Hollywood ideal (we’ve seen that with Mike & Molly), but also not revolving the whole story around her appearance.

So even though I don’t always love the storyline, and I think the main characters make terrible life decisions, and the male lead character (Adam) drives me bananas, I still watch the show because I think it is doing great things for women’s body image.

The point being: your life doesn’t have to revolve around your flaws.

Women and Nudity and the Awkwardness of it All

When I was thinking up some things to do for my get together with girlfriends in Toronto two weekends ago I immediately thought: spa.

Last summer I went on vacation to Tobermory and Collingwood. My sister, friend, and I decided to go to Le Scandinave one afternoon. I had read about it and heard good things and even though sitting around and doing nothing all afternoon is the bane of my existence (I always want to be doing something) I was willing to try it out.

The premise is 15 minutes in a heat source (steam room, dry sauna, or jacuzzi) followed by a plunge into a 60*F cold pool, followed by 15 minutes of lounging in a hammock or muskoka chair by a crackling fire. Then repeat as many times as desired.

It’s not an exaggeration to say that this water treatment was responsible for making me feel the best I have ever felt in my life. Honestly, I still dream about it sometimes and I always crave going back and feeling that good again.

Of course when I googled “water spa Toronto” and came up with Body Blitz Spa I was more than excited to offer the idea to my girlfriends, so I e-mailed them my suggestion.

Are you fucking crazy? I’m not going to no naked spa! (or something to that effect) was the response from one of my friends.

I didn’t even notice that the spa is “bathing suit optional”, but I hardly cared since it’s a women’s only facility. People walk around the change room at the gym naked all the time, it’s not really a big deal. And besides, it’s not as if the place is “nudity required”.

Today I read an editorial in the Globe and Mail about this very spa, and more specifically about the nudity (or lack thereof). The writer and the naked spa-goers that she interviewed labelled the swimsuit clad twenty-somethings who frequent the place as prudes whose self-esteem is too vulnerable to allow their imperfect bodies to be seen by others.

“For their mothers, nude bathing was empowering; for them, it’s objectifying.”

Is it true? Are we really prudes?

I’ll admit that had I gone with my friends to Body Blitz I would not have bathed naked. Maybe because I know they wouldn’t done it have either, but mostly because I think it would be awkward to be naked around people I know and try to ignore the obvious. “Hello! Here are all those parts of me you’ve never seen before.”

Had I gone to the spa alone, it would have been a different story. I like to get the full experience of anything that I try. And plus I get undressed in the gym changing room all the time in front of women I don’t know, and I don’t think twice about it. The veil of anonymity is a powerful tool.

This whole thing got me thinking about females and nudity, in spas, in change rooms, and in locker room showers. The more effort we put into covering up our imperfections by hiding our bodies from other women then the less real, unaltered images of female bodies we are exposed to. Where else can we see real boobs and thighs and bellies on women who don’t pose for magazines or red carpet photo-ops? Do we even know what real women look like anymore?

If we were a bit more open to the idea of nudity then maybe it would be better for all of our self confidence, and our comfort with our bodies.

Black Women are Heavier and Happier

(source)
“F.A.T. means fabulous and thick, full and tasty, fluffy and tender.” – Mo’nique

There was an article last month from the Washington Post which amazed me. In it the writer discusses a poll that indicated black women are heavier and happier with their bodies than white women.

First, I should mention that I was a bit deterred by the inevitable attention drawn to the fear that these happy black women are “on the slippery slope toward higher rates of obesity”. This point, in a way, equates having a negative body image with having a healthy BMI– as if hating your body fat will somehow make you healthier; if this were true I would have been the fittest teenage girl in my high school.

Another contention with the article was the Washington-area personal trainer quoted as saying “Every white woman who wants to work out and train wants to be petite, petite, no curves, no hips, no butt, nothing, just toned.” Dude, please make less broad-sweeping statements.

Last time I checked, I was a white woman. And last time I checked my 42″ derrière in the mirror (which was exactly 15 minutes ago, btw) I thought it was awesome and I may or may not have nodded in approval. And I can’t be the only one, right?

*crickets*

Moving on.

I did however think the main message of the article was powerful.

“[Black women] report having appreciably higher levels of self-esteem. Although 41 percent of average-sized or thin white women report having high self-esteem, that figure was 66 percent among black women considered by government standards to be overweight or obese.”

I’ll pause while you read that again.

So while normal-sized white chicks are flipping through fashion mags while hating themselves for not being quite thin enough, their full-figured black counterparts are loving life and their bodies.

The article is a clear example of how beauty standards are defined by culture.

Since the portrayal of black women in the mainstream media has historically been suppressed, they don’t have a media image with which to identify in the way that white women do. Their definition of beauty has been established in their own communities instead and they clearly have been better off for it. Their definition of beauty isn’t based on the number of the scale, but on things like style, carriage, and confidence.

In reading through the quotes from the women interviewed I was impressed by their clear sense of self. Their beauty wasn’t defined by some standard image but instead by their adherence to the identity they carved for themselves. This is something I aspire to.

In the white world, this it’s virtually revolutionary. Think about it: A plus-sized black woman who defines herself as beautiful is just that, a beautiful women, while in white culture she would be a woman taking a stand.

I’ll leave you with this quote from plus-sized personal trainer Michelle Gibson: “I can never be mad at this thin person. I say, ‘You’re sexy, you’ve got it going on. But don’t think for one minute that I don’t feel the same about myself.’ ”

I’d like to take a page from her book.

2012 Weight Goals

I haven’t been weighing myself much lately. I checked my weight and measurements (waist and hip) before I started marathon training in September and sporadically throughout my training to make sure that I wasn’t over or under eating for the amount of exercise I was getting. I wanted my weight to stay consistent and it did. I hovered around 165lbs, give or take 2 pounds, for the entire 4 months (yes, I do know how much more 165lb is than 147lb)

I have been paying close attention to how my pants fit and while marathon training I found that they were feeling pretty damn tight around the waist (the first place on my body where weight starts to creep on). Since my weight was consistent I wasn’t too concerned though I was, quite frankly, uncomfortable. And I felt a bit schlumpy (<– not a real word, but you catch my drift).

I went straight back to weightlifting after the marathon with this workout and have been at it for almost 3 weeks now. Nothing makes me feel better than pushing some weight around (except maybe kicking teenage boys in the balls, but that’s another story) so I was happy to turn my focus to that instead of running.

It didn’t take long for me to start feeling awesome again. Last week I noticed that felt lighter and tighter and generally mahvelous.

My tight pants were fitting better which made my 8-hours-sitting-on-your-ass job more comfy. I checked my measurements right away because I like the validation:

Waist size – down a 2 centimeters (I knew it!)
Hip size – stayed the same (perfect! I like big butts and I cannot lie)
Weight – up 3 pounds (yes! . . .wait, I mean no! what? up 3lbs?!? say wha??)

I freaked out for about a second and a half, asking the scale if he was fucking kidding me. Didn’t he see my measurements!? Didn’t he know that I wasn’t stuffed like a sausage in my pants today?!

Then I told him to go to hell once again, because he lies and can’t be trusted.

I felt good and I looked good and that was good enough for me.

I’m really coming around and starting to realize that my weight has little to do with how I feel about myself and my body confidence.

So I’m going to focus on more important weight goals this year ie. how much weight I can push around.

2012 Beast Mode Goals

To be completed at some point by the end of the year

-Back Squats: 225lb (as deep as I can go with my tight shins)

-Bench Press: my body weight

-Pull Ups: 5 unassisted

-Push-Ups: 100 consecutive

Right now I’m adding a lot more push-ups into my training plan to complete the push-up goal, and generally trying to build back any of the strength I lost during marathon training.

Ditching Dieting

“The diet industry is the most successful failed business in the world”

According to The Guardian the British parliament hosted a discussion centred around the causes of body image anxiety that pervades the UK right now.

A group that campaigns against body anxiety known as Endangered Bodies took to parliament to demonstrate the negative impact that dieting and the dieting industry has on the mental health and physical health of Britons, particularly women.

And it’s true. Living a healthy lifestyle is important, but it has to be through achievable means and established within realistic limitations. The diet industry goes beyond that however and has us restricting ourselves with unsustainable diets to meet body image ideals that are entirely unrealistic. It’s damaging to our mental health and can even be traumatic.

Think about it.

You see the promotions for this new diet that promises to make you lose that unwanted belly fat in just a few weeks.
And suddenly you realize that compared to that perfectly toned woman in the ad you have the stomach of Santa Claus.
You probably need to lose belly fat too. No, no, you definitely need to lose it.
Before you know it you’ve swapped your your husband’s famous buttermilk pancakes for egg white and steamed broccoli
and you’re cancelling dinners with friends because there’s nothing at the restaurant for you to eat.
And you still don’t look like the woman in the ad.
Now you feel like a complete failure. Why can’t you do it? Why can’t you just be strong and follow a diet and have a model’s body? What’s wrong with you?
Now you’re upset with yourself and you give up and start eating even more unhealthy than you did before you started this stupid diet. Why not? You’re doomed to be fat and ugly anyway, right?
. . . then you see promotions for a new fangled diet . . .

and so it goes.

Diets screw with our brains and our bodies. Whereas once we used to be able to eat intuitively when we were hungry or craving something, now we have to refrain from giving into these cues otherwise we become failures. It stresses us out and makes us lose confidence in ourselves when none of it, none of it, is our fault. In the end it leads to a cycle of dieting and gaining weight that is unhealthy to our bodies, causes traumatic body image anxiety, and makes us miserable.

Even though I can run a marathon and a 24 minute 5K and I can squat more than a lot of guys at the gym and I can climb mountains, I still feel like the unhealthiest of sloths if I give into my food cravings. I still struggle with my body confidence almost daily. My body image is much better than it used to be, but I’m still working on it.

Awareness is the first and most important step in generating momentum for a movement to alter ideals ingrained in society like body image anxiety. I applaud the British parliament to opening the doors for discussion on this important topic and Endangered Bodies for building awareness of the harms of the diet industry.

It’s time to stop the dieting.

H&M Takes Photoshop to the Extreme

I hardly read women’s magazines anymore. I don’t like looking at their images of women. No matter how fully I comprehend that the women in the pictures are photoshopped (sometimes horrifically) to ensure that they have no pores, no bellies, no wrinkles, and no cellulite—to ensure they are flawless—seeing them always makes me conscious of my own large pores and of my pudgy middle. Of all of my flaws, really. Flaws that I might not have otherwise considered to be imperfections had the ad not pointed out to me.

Curiously, after reading magazines I end up wanting to go out and buy some magical pore reducing serum.

I don’t like looking at these types of ads because they work. They’re made to make me feel insecure about myself just to sell me a product to correct some flaw that they invented. I usually don’t end up buying the products, but I do buy into the idea that my appearance is somehow not good enough.

But I don’t even know what to make of this news that H&M is using completely computer generated images of women’s bodies as its lingerie “models”.

They’re not real women. And I don’t mean that in the “Real Women Have Curves” sort of way. No. These bodies are literally not real. They’re generated by a computer to be the ideal figure of a woman and then the head’s of real gorgeous women are pasted on top.

(source)

This is happening, folks.

I’d like to say that knowing this would make it easier to push our self-consciousness aside when looking at advertisements of women, but as with photoshopped images, I believe that we’ll still be looking at these computer-generated women and saying “I wish I looked like that.”

Has it gotten so bad that advertisers can’t even find models with both the looks and the body to hock their wares? This does not bode well for the female psyche when even models, who are understood to have some of the most desirable figures in our culture, aren’t good enough.

I won’t buy lingerie from H&M and not just because I find it hard to find anything I like in that store, or because the company has succumbed to the lowest of the low in the world of women’s body image, but primarily because knowing that their lingerie only fits a computer-generated body I can’t image that it is tailored well enough to fit a real woman’s body, like my own.

Why hating your body is futile

I’d venture to say that most of us overweight women are not happy with our bodies. Images of glamorous women praised for their ability to hide behind a matchstick are unavoidable. As are the advertisements for weight loss regimes and rapid weight loss schemes. I’m not thin enough! I get it. Enough already.

We’re suffering from some serious anxiety issues. No wonder we’re all on prozac or self-medicating with pints of Haagen Dazs and retracting to unhealthy lifestyles. We’ll never be good enough anyway.

But what if you learn to accept who you are and what you’re capable of? What if you learned what triggers your eating and how to deal with it? What if you started to believe that you were beautiful? Would it help you become a healthier person?

Researchers at the Technical University of Lisbon say yes.

So there’s this study that they did says that hating your body is futile.

Well, okay, so it doesn’t say that exactly but that’s what it implies. If you’re a large and in charge woman you’d best be putting down them diet books and swapping ‘em for some body love mantras because that’ll get you to shed more pounds.

Overweight women were enrolled in a weight loss program for a year.The control group was given “general health information about good nutrition, stress management, and the importance of looking after yourself,” while the treatment group attended “30 weekly group sessions where issues such as exercise, emotional eating, improving body image and the recognition of, and how to overcome, personal barriers to weight loss and lapses from the diet were discussed.”

The study found the women on the body love plan lost more weight over the year than the control group– 7% compared to 2% of their start weight.

(source: etsy)

The results aren’t that surprising though.

I mean, we’re overweight women, we’re not ignorami. We don’t sit down to a meal of potato chips, deep fried chicken, and a pint of ice cream and think we’re eating healthy. We don’t binge in the middle of the night when there’s no one around because we think it’ll help us shed a few pounds.

It takes a lot more work to recognize why I want to eat yet another cookie than it does to list off nutritional information about why it’s bad for me. Maybe I want the cookie because I’m bored, or maybe because my body is craving sugar, or maybe it’s because I think I look like shit anyway, so I might as well indulge in something that will make me happy.

I know what’s good for me and what isn’t. I know when my behaviours and eating habits aren’t healthy but I often don’t really understand why I am doing them.

So maybe we should shelve our diet books for good and start learning more about ourselves than what’s on our plate. …maybe we’ll end up looking better in the end anyway.

I wish everyone were a massage therapist

You know those judgemental people in your life? They’re the people that criticize others’ outfits, their hair, their weight, their make-up (or lack thereof), so you know damn well that they will be criticizing you too. They’re the people that you have to spend extra time getting ready for when you expect to see them. They’re the people that you probably don’t like very much. You know those people?

Well, a massage therapist isn’t one of them.

I had my first full body massage last week. A treat to myself after my marathon (well, it was paid for by my extended healthcare, but it was a treat nonetheless). I’ve never had a massage but I’ve seen people getting them on TV shows like The Bachelor so that practically makes me an expert, right?

Truth is, I was feeling awkward about the whole thing from the minute I got to the massage therapist’s office.

(source)

My therapist’s introduced herself as Meera which reminded me of a meerkat and made me smile. It was a good name. She ushered me into a hardly lit room with a massage bed covered with sheets and blankets and bolsters and with calming music and nature sounds playing in the background.

Meera told me that she would leave the room while I got undressed but told me to leave my underwear on (which was good because I probably would have assumed that they were supposed to come off and that would have been way too awkward). I laid down on my stomach on the massage bed with my face squished in the face hole (I’m sure there’s a proper name for this but we’ll pretend the technical term is facehole), waiting.

As I lay on the bed waiting for her I started to get anxious and to worry. My back had huge chaffing scars on it from running that looked more like lashings, my legs were prickly because I hadn’t shaven that morning, my feet probably stunk, I was pretty sure there was a pimple on my bum, and of course my body isn’t quite as firm as I wish it could be.

Here I was in my embarrassing body waiting for a person to see me 90% naked and then touch me. Everywhere. I wondered what she would think. I wanted to apologize for my body before she started. I thought she should be warned.

And then she started to massage my back. As soon as she started to touch me I let go of it all because the massage felt so right. It’s like when you are shopping for a dress and everything you try looks horrible and you’re starting to hate your body…and then you try on that one perfect dress that makes you feel stunning. Yeah, it’s exactly like that.

I know it sounds like hippie bullshit, but the massage made me feel great physically, and even better mentally because I completely forgot about my body issues. I stopped thinking about how I looked and started thinking about how I felt which, during a massage, is amazing.

I wish more people made me feel that way. I wish there were more Meera’s in the world than judgemental people. And I wish I could make people feel more comfortable with their bodies too.

Bikini Confidence: Jessica

Jessica Finds Confidence after Battling Anorexia

I recently discovered Jessica’s slice of life blog, Daly Authenticity, in which she opens up about her family, faith, and healthy lifestyle, and shares some delicious looking recipes.
I was overwhelmed when she e-mailed me her guest post for Bikini Confidence. You see, Jessica recently struggled with disordered eating. This woman has a tremendous amount of courage to speak so candidly about how anorexia has affected her (which she first revealed in this post Daly Authenticity) and I am so proud that she is willing to share her story with you.

Hello!  My name is Jessica of Daly Authenticity.

Bikini confidence is an interesting concept to me. When I first found Samantha’s blog, I was impressed that someone actually wanted to write a blog based around this thought.

You see, I’ve had a love/hate relationship with the mere thought of a bathing suit for so long.

As a child, I grew up in a very balanced house hold, where food was a means of fellowship, and weight was never discussed. I was always tiny for my age, and never felt the need to lose weight.

All of that changed when I turned 18. I was faced with life decisions and I needed something to control. Not knowing what else to control, I chose food. It was the stupidest decision I have ever made in my entire life. What followed was 7 years of abusing my body by calorie cutting, and succumbing the Anorexia. Although I grew up loving my body, in the throes of an eating disorder, I began to hate every little thing about my body. I did not view my body in a healthy way at all.

In January 2010, I decided to get my life back together and finally get healthy and gain the weight that it would take to be healthy again. I had dreams of becoming a mom, and I was so tired of being the “sick” one for so many years. I also realized that I was not honoring the body that the Lord gave me.

I am proud to say that over the past year, my life has taken a 180 degree turn. I have learned to feed my body nourishing healthy foods, have gained enough weight to finally get my period back after 7 years of not having it, and can now exercise in a healthy manner, and I have learned to embrace the changes that my body has taken over the past year.

I still struggle to think about getting in a bathing suit, as my body has changed since the last time I put one on (although the last time I had one on, I was so ashamed because my emaciated state was so sickening).

I would be lying if I said there weren’t still days where I look in the mirror and critique the “new” me. But now, instead of feeling like a little girl, I feel like a woman. I have found new confidence in the fact that my body will one day carry a child, and in the near future hopefully carry me to the finish line of my first half marathon.

My faith in God has changed dramatically in the past year, and through that renewed faith, I have found the confidence to embrace the body that He has blessed me with. Before, my confidence came from the number on the scale. Since then, I have “broken up” with my scale, and no longer own one. Getting rid of the scale has allowed me to find my worth in who I am in God, rather than the number that was staring up at me in the morning. I can be confident knowing that I am finally taking care of my body. I can be confident knowing that my husband and I can finally have a healthy relationship without the baggage that comes with an eating disorder. I can be confident knowing that my family and friends no longer have to worry incessantly about whether I would live to see another year of life. I am finding that confidence, and slowly, baby step by baby step, I am re-evaluating my view of myself and the world.

It’s a hard journey: one of many tears and pain. But I am learning that the exploration of who we are at the core of ourselves is worth the discovery!

You can read more about my journey to confidence at www.dalyauthenticity.blogspot.com

The Bikini Confidence Series is a kick-ass collection of guest posts from readers who share stories of their relationship with their body.

If you have a story to share about your own struggles with body image or your opinion on how women’s body image is affected by media or society please feel free to e-mail me your idea at samanthaamenzies [at] gmail [dot] com.

Take a look at the great stories posted in this series:

• Heather (HEAB)
• Nicole (Prevention, RD)
• Meghan Telpner (Making Love in the Kitchen)
• Kenzie (A Healthy Purpose)
• Jasmine (Eat, Move, Write)
• Gabriela (Une Vie Saine)
• Caitlin (Healthy Tipping Point)
• Super G (Me2Writes)
• Kate (Eat the Damn Cake)
  Maria (First in Education)
  Tina (Faith, Fitness, Fun)

And, of course, my own Bikini Birthday post!

Bikini Confidence: Tina

Motherhood Teaches Tina About Confidence

Tina’s blog Faith Fitness Fun is akin to a cozy blanket – warm and comforting. Her strong faith, her loving motherhood, and her inner beauty really shine out through her writing. Her message of self-love resonates with me every time I read her posts.

So I was very excited when Tina of agreed to be a part of the Bikini Confidence guest blogger series. She talks about pregnancy, motherhood, faith, and, of course, self-love.

You see, self-confidence was certainly not always a strong point of mine. I mastered self-hatred for quite some time. I battled depression, suicidal thoughts, and too much partying. I also binged for years. To put it simply, I did not care for myself because I did not see worth in myself. I had no confidence and it reflected in my relationship with someone I should care about immensely– myself.

Down the road, I slowly but surely grew to love myself a bit more. My faith increased and with that I found a new belief in myself with daily reflections. Then, the incredible happened. I became a mother. To the most beautiful, wonderful little girl alive.

Did I want her to grow up doubting herself? Did I want her to experience any of the same things I had felt? Not if I could help it. I know I can’t assure she will never feel those things, but I also know I can do my best to build her own confidence. And I it starts with my own confidence. I would never look at her and put her down…so why would I do that to myself?

Now I can post an image like this on my blog for more people than I could imagine to see…

…and feel completely confident in a bikini at one week post-partum from my recent pregnancy. I may currently be working towards getting back in shape post-baby, but I can still feel confident now. I don’t have to wait to look a certain way.

I can feel confident at any stage because I remember that I have a purpose in this life greater than my looks. I’m a mother to two wonderful children. I’m a friend and would want those I care about to value themselves as well. I’m a blogger that feels called to sharing a positive message of self-love and respect. I’m a woman that hopes we can all stop demeaning ourselves and open our eyes to the power we each hold.

I can feel confident because I know God sees worth in me. I can feel confident because I have pushed through so much in this life; yet, I continue to work hard to go for my dreams. I can feel confident because I trust that who I am inside matters more than the number inside my pants. I can feel confident because I know from experience that a life believing in myself brings so much more joy than the life where I sought to bring myself down each and every day.

I can feel confident because I am the only me out there and that uniqueness in itself makes me amazing. It makes you amazing too. Remember – caring for and believing in yourself at any stage is so freeing. I highly recommend it. Why not start today?

If you have a story to share about your own struggles with body image or your opinion on how women’s body image is affected by media or society please feel free to e-mail me your idea at samanthaamenzies [at] gmail [dot] com.

Take a look at the great stories posted in this series:

• Heather (HEAB)
• Nicole (Prevention, RD)
• Meghan Telpner (Making Love in the Kitchen)
• Kenzie (A Healthy Purpose)
• Jasmine (Eat, Move, Write)
• Gabriela (Une Vie Saine)
• Caitlin (Healthy Tipping Point)
• Super G (Me2Writes)
• Kate (Eat the Damn Cake)
  Maria (First in Education)

And, of course, my own Bikini Birthday post!