“If a girl talks to a guy or looks at a guy, he’ll think she’s into him.”
Matt said this to me in regards to two strangers of the opposite sex and I had a hard time believing it, even though, being a man, he has the authority on the inner workings of the male mind.
I started to recount in my head all the times that I’ve stared at or spoken to a guy that I didn’t know and I lost count, mostly on the staring part. I watch people, all people, with the curiosity of an infant and now I’m starting to think it’s a problem.
“No, I don’t believe you. I don’t think all guys are that egotistical.”
“Most of them.”
He proceeded to tell me stories to prove his point that went along the lines of: a man would say “she’s into me” after noticing a woman staring, and that was that.
I didn’t understand this. Why not go talk to this woman who is so unquestionably interested in you? It reinforced my position: these guys were faking their confidence and showing off, or, as the husband likes to put it, swinging dicks.
Matt did tell one story of a guy who actually went to talk to a girl whom he was convinced was interested when she shot a look his way, but he found out she was dating someone/not interested/thinking he was someone else/or whatever.
“I like that,” I said. “More guys should be like that. Girls like that kind of confidence, as long as the prospect is not a total douche-canoe. They want someone with the balls to approach them.”
I was saying this for the sake of my friends who are of the “men must initiate the interaction” school of thought. Maybe more women should be staring at men if a look is all it takes is to get them to come over and strike up a conversation but, let’s be honest, that’s almost never the case. It’s nerve-wracking to have the confidence to start a conversation with someone you don’t know and that you find attractive, I can’t blame men for not wanting to do it.
“So you would be interested in a guy who did that?”
No, not at all. I would just assume that he’s self-absorbed and thinks every woman wants him, and apparently I would be right. But I’ve been told that I’m different than most, so I use my friends as examples of ‘typical women’. Sidebar: I have also been told that guys don’t like girls like me (what? I’m not likeable??) and that I would be the last person to get married (what the hell does that mean?), so you get the idea.
A lot of women would prefer that the man approach though. I always hear the “If he’s interested he’ll come talk to me” argument which is baseless because the man in question could very well be sitting across the room thinking the exact same thing (or, I should say, “She IS interested. She’ll come talk to me.”).
So maybe the egotism is in the man’s benefit, even if he has to fake it. Maybe men really are ingrained to think that every woman who gives them a second glance is interested, just to give them the nerve to approach her.
I, for one, would certainly like to have that kind of confidence.
I still wasn’t entirely convinced of Matt’s argument, but then not two days after our discussion I overheard a young man at the gym say to his buddies:
“She said ‘Hi’ to me, bro. She’s totally into me.”
And I laughed aloud.