Jessica Finds Confidence after Battling Anorexia
I recently discovered Jessica’s slice of life blog, Daly Authenticity, in which she opens up about her family, faith, and healthy lifestyle, and shares some delicious looking recipes.
I was overwhelmed when she e-mailed me her guest post for Bikini Confidence. You see, Jessica recently struggled with disordered eating. This woman has a tremendous amount of courage to speak so candidly about how anorexia has affected her (which she first revealed in this post Daly Authenticity) and I am so proud that she is willing to share her story with you.
Hello! My name is Jessica of Daly Authenticity.
Bikini confidence is an interesting concept to me. When I first found Samantha’s blog, I was impressed that someone actually wanted to write a blog based around this thought.
You see, I’ve had a love/hate relationship with the mere thought of a bathing suit for so long.
As a child, I grew up in a very balanced house hold, where food was a means of fellowship, and weight was never discussed. I was always tiny for my age, and never felt the need to lose weight.
All of that changed when I turned 18. I was faced with life decisions and I needed something to control. Not knowing what else to control, I chose food. It was the stupidest decision I have ever made in my entire life. What followed was 7 years of abusing my body by calorie cutting, and succumbing the Anorexia. Although I grew up loving my body, in the throes of an eating disorder, I began to hate every little thing about my body. I did not view my body in a healthy way at all.
In January 2010, I decided to get my life back together and finally get healthy and gain the weight that it would take to be healthy again. I had dreams of becoming a mom, and I was so tired of being the “sick” one for so many years. I also realized that I was not honoring the body that the Lord gave me.
I am proud to say that over the past year, my life has taken a 180 degree turn. I have learned to feed my body nourishing healthy foods, have gained enough weight to finally get my period back after 7 years of not having it, and can now exercise in a healthy manner, and I have learned to embrace the changes that my body has taken over the past year.
I still struggle to think about getting in a bathing suit, as my body has changed since the last time I put one on (although the last time I had one on, I was so ashamed because my emaciated state was so sickening).
I would be lying if I said there weren’t still days where I look in the mirror and critique the “new” me. But now, instead of feeling like a little girl, I feel like a woman. I have found new confidence in the fact that my body will one day carry a child, and in the near future hopefully carry me to the finish line of my first half marathon.
My faith in God has changed dramatically in the past year, and through that renewed faith, I have found the confidence to embrace the body that He has blessed me with. Before, my confidence came from the number on the scale. Since then, I have “broken up” with my scale, and no longer own one. Getting rid of the scale has allowed me to find my worth in who I am in God, rather than the number that was staring up at me in the morning. I can be confident knowing that I am finally taking care of my body. I can be confident knowing that my husband and I can finally have a healthy relationship without the baggage that comes with an eating disorder. I can be confident knowing that my family and friends no longer have to worry incessantly about whether I would live to see another year of life. I am finding that confidence, and slowly, baby step by baby step, I am re-evaluating my view of myself and the world.
It’s a hard journey: one of many tears and pain. But I am learning that the exploration of who we are at the core of ourselves is worth the discovery!
You can read more about my journey to confidence at www.dalyauthenticity.blogspot.com
The Bikini Confidence Series is a kick-ass collection of guest posts from readers who share stories of their relationship with their body.
If you have a story to share about your own struggles with body image or your opinion on how women’s body image is affected by media or society please feel free to e-mail me your idea at samanthaamenzies [at] gmail [dot] com.
Take a look at the great stories posted in this series:
And, of course, my own Bikini Birthday post!